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A: Listen to Dawn's message of wisdom! Then, self-coach into a new possibility. Being too busy is one of the ways our time, energy, talent, and money (yes, financial impact on our health and wellbeing) become compromised.
One day, I woke up and said… “not like this.” That was the first step I took away from burnout, away from over-caring (caring is good, over-caring turns caring into a power leak), away from over-doing and into inner equilibrium. What does inner equilibrium provide? A new stride, an inner pride, and a fresh perspective when you least expect it. How can you be better at juggling your multiple roles? Take Dawn Christian’s wisdom to heart. It is not by striving harder, but by intentioning smarter. Thank you, Coach Dawn, for shining fresh new morning sunlight on this possibility! Self Coaching Prompts:
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A: Focus on the “micro-moments.” If you’ve ever thought, “I’d love to coach more, but I just don’t have the time,” you’re not alone. This is one of the most common concerns leaders, team leads, and service professionals face when trying to integrate coaching into their day-to-day responsibilities. The pressure is real. Emails, deadlines, client demands, and teams pull us in a hundred different directions. Coaching can too easily feel like one more thing "I should be doing," and when you have an already overloaded plate, this can feel overwhelming. But here’s the truth: Coaching doesn’t have to add more to your plate. It has the power to transform and simplify the way you approach the responsibilities you already have. Coaching is less about time and more about how you use the time you already have. Instead of repeatedly solving problems for others (which drains energy and creates dependency), coaching develops independent thinkers who can solve challenges themselves. The payoff? You spend less time in firefighting mode and more time focused on the work that matters most. So, how do you actually do this? One way is to learn how to coach. Learning coaching is hands down the best short-term investment (3-4 months) with lifelong gains. However, that doesn't help you now! For a quick and simple solution, practice this: To elevate potential elevate the micro-moments. You don’t need an hour-long session to empower someone. As a matter of fact, A Course in Miracles teaches us that we are always only one perspective shift away from a transformation. Just one powerful and well-positioned question can completely shape a new trajectory in someone's thinking. In fact, some of the most powerful coaching happens in just two or three minutes. These brief inquiries, done in the flow of life, compound over time. Instead of defaulting to answers, ask one catalytic question and then.... pause. For example: “Who do you need to become to invite success?” - OR - “What part of you is confident?” These short, well-positioned questions build self-trust, encourage ownership, and over time, significantly reduce the oversight others need from you. By learning to spot and seize micro-moments, you can coach in the margins of your daily life - from parenting to partnering to leading. Coaching goes with you everywhere you go! It doesn’t take more time, it just takes a different lens. I invite you to really practice this. What I've seen in my 20 years as a coach: Teams coached in micro-moments become more self-reliant, more engaged, and more resilient. Top contributors become self-propelled, engaged, and purpose-driven. Coaching/counseling clients take their lives to an entirely new level. Leaders free themselves from the constant cycle of solving and directing. Parents and partners connect in more integrated ways. Coaching goes where you go! There you have it! You don’t have to overhaul your schedule to coach others... The miracle is in the moment. Ready to elevate lives?
Completely new to coaching others, ready to learn theory and practice? ✅ Join us for Coaching Fundamentals! Or, are you a Leader, Consultant, or Holistic Therapist who is responsible for the success of others? ✅ Join us for Coaching Foundations - ICF LEVEL ONE. Are you ready to take on private clients and build a coaching practice full-time, part-time, or as a future retirement legacy? ✅ Join us to learn advanced coaching in the Certified Professional Coach - ICF LEVEL TWO. If you’re ready to lead others into elevated potentials, we've created these pathways exactly with you in mind. Have a question? Email Angela Bylo, Admissions Coach: [email protected] Or, click below to schedule a Discovery Call with Angela. During a Discovery Call, Angela will review program options to consider, discuss financial aid, and support you in your decision-making process. How do I get out of the telling/directing and micro-managing habit and foster a coaching habit?8/14/2025
Telling, directing, and micromanaging have one thing in common. We step into these approaches anytime we care so deeply for the outcome and someone else’s success that we unconsciously end up over-caring.
We have good intentions. We want to ensure quality, prevent mistakes, and help people succeed. However, over time, excessive involvement in oversight can hinder success. Furthermore, being constantly on-call is draining. Do others rely on your advice for every step, constantly asking for feedback before moving forward? Or, on the inverse, they try to do it all and don’t ask for any feedback, so you feel strongly you need to step in before it all falls apart? The irony is that even when you give exact instructions for success, it isn’t always followed. Ever had this thought, “I gave them exact directions to follow. Why on earth are we here again?” Eventually, frustration builds, patience wears thin, and you step in to do it yourself. Or, you end up working really long hours and believe this is just the way it is. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. These are very common experiences. Fortunately, success is math! There are formulas you can apply to begin experiencing actual lunch breaks and more freedom and flexibility. Here are five steps to take, which include some of the key formulas designed to grant you more freedom and more successful moments. Step One: Locate Leadership Leaks The first step to breaking the telling, advising or micro-managing habit is to locate your power-leak moments. Every time you answer a question that the other person could have solved, or step in to redo work they could fix, or make a decision they should own, you’re unintentionally training dependency. Awareness is key. Once you can see where the leaks are happening, you can start replacing directing with coaching them to their own answers. This is called: “Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves”. This is empowering to them. Yet, it can feel very uncomfortable for you at first. Discomfort is perfectly normal and expected. After all, you are the one who is responsible for the results. To move beyond the discomfort, let’s explore the other steps. Step Two: Engage Empowerment Coaching Honing your coaching skills is the fastest way to gain more freedom from being overly depended upon (dependence is a key symptom of a directing habit). Instead of answering the question, “What should I do?” with directions, try, “What do you think your next step should be?” or “If I weren’t here, how would you handle this?” With a coaching approach, you are directly inviting the answers to come from within the person you are coaching. Coaching offers a massive leverage point in how you can lead others! At first, you may get a fearful stare or a vague answer. That’s normal. Most people are not accustomed to being coached. It is also normal to want to give in. These moments offer a turning point. With coaching formulas in your toolkit, instead of directing, you become a facilitator for successful outcomes. Over time, these questions force people to think for themselves, which is the muscle you want them to build. This isn’t about withholding help. Coaching is about helping them grow into problem-solvers rather than answer-seekers. Coaching is your freedom point and theirs! Step Three: Express Your Encouragement Third, express your confidence in them. Many people begin to believe in themselves when someone else believes in them first. Sharing your confidence and encouragement can go a long way in inviting them to take ownership. For example: “I trust you have the answers.” “I believe you have what it takes to create success with this project.” Then coach them to their own solutions. Sharing confidence is a critical step in the formula for effectively coaching others. Coaching shifts the focus from you having all the answers to them creating new solutions. First, they need to know you believe in them. Step Four: Invite Solutions There are two parts to this step. First, it can help to establish feedback rhythms instead of constant check-ins. If your team is used to popping in for input at every step, set boundaries by creating predictable touchpoints. For example, agree on a mid-project review or a weekly progress update. This keeps the communication flowing but prevents your time from being consumed by endless interruptions. It also helps you avoid the frustration that builds when you feel pulled in a dozen directions at once. Second, it is imperative to invite them to foster their own solutions. A simple “Three P Report” is an excellent formula to accomplish this. A Three P Report includes short bullet points of:
This process is coaching at heart! It invites problem-solving and solution thinking before it lands on your plate. Step Five: Celebrate Wins Finally, celebrate progress and independence. Coaching others to empowerment is not just about stepping back; it’s also about noticing and celebrating wins to reinforce the new autonomy. When someone takes initiative, makes a solid decision, or solves a problem without you, it is key to acknowledge it. Positive acknowledgment acts like an accelerant that turns small wins into lasting change. By taking a coaching approach, your role shifts from “chief problem-solver” to “chief potential-developer,” and that’s where the magic happens! In Conclusion: Having coaching formulas and implementing these steps helps those around you grow stronger, helps your stress drop, and those you are responsible for start gaining productivity and momentum in fun new ways. Happy engaging, coaching, and inviting elevated results!
One of the biggest challenges for leaders and service professionals is knowing which hat to wear in the moment: coach, mentor, or director/advisor.
Each role serves a purpose, but using the wrong one at the wrong time can cause frustration, reduce trust, and slow progress. Coaching is best when you want to develop someone’s ability to think for themselves, problem-solve, and take ownership. This is called being “self-propelled.” Another term for it is being "empowered." Let's unpack the differences. Directing, or advising, may be necessary when there’s no time for exploration in emergencies or high-risk scenarios. (Therapist, consultants, and leaders all step in and direct when stakes are high.) Mentoring fits when someone needs guidance based on your past experience. Mentoring is designed to shorten their learning curve. (Therapist, consultants, and leaders all step in to mentor.) However, there comes a time when mentoring someone, or telling them what direction to go in, keeps someone from developing their own skills and approaches. It also keeps them hooked on you for the solutions. (This is where coaching kicks in.) The key to making the right choice is to assess:
If the person has the skills but needs clarity or confidence to be ready to engage more productively, coaching will help them step into self-leadership. If they lack the skills entirely, mentoring or direct instruction may be more appropriate. And if the situation is urgent (say a safety issue or a legal matter), then telling them exactly what to do is not only appropriate, it’s responsible. Over time, coaching can turn into a powerful default setting because it builds competence and independence! However, you’ll want to switch hats intentionally as needed. Another practical way to decide in the moment is to ask yourself: “Does this person need development, direction, or information?” If it’s development, lean into coaching. If it’s direction, be clear, concise, and direct. If it’s information, you can share your own story or insight, as a mentor would, and then return the conversation to coaching them: “How could you apply this in your situation?” This keeps the exchange collaborative instead of top-down.
The magic happens when you
build a reputation for knowing when to step back and when to step in.
Your colleagues or clients learn they can count on you not to over-direct when they’re capable, and to guide them decisively when it’s truly needed.
This balance builds trust, fosters loyalty, and empowers others to step up. It also frees you from the exhausting cycle of micromanagement, giving you more time and energy for strategic work. In the long run, incorporating coaching into your toolkit fosters new levels of empowerment, enabling people to feel capable and valued in new ways. For you as a leader, consultant, or therapist, coaching can reignite the passion that drew you to your role in the first place. When you see people grow, thrive, and reach new potentials on their own, you get to realize that being in a service role is both a leverage point and a privilege.
In today’s climate of political division, economic uncertainty, and rapid organizational shifts, professionals in service roles face a unique kind of pressure. Leaders, therapists, consultants, and coaches are not only helping others navigate change but are also experiencing that same volatility themselves. The stakes are high, the pace is fast, and the emotional weight of the work is heavier than ever. When the pressure is on, the way you communicate, respond, and guide others can either fuel resilience and clarity or contribute to burnout and confusion (theirs and yours). This is where knowing how to coach when it matters most becomes a defining skill. Coaching in high-stakes moments is different from everyday problem-solving. It’s about creating enough space for people to think, process, and generate solutions when urgency threatens to narrow their perspective. Under stress, our instinct is often to take control, direct, instruct, or solve the problem ourselves. Coaching, instead, invites ownership and accountability, which leads to sustainable change. This fosters greater ease, flow, and self-propelled teams. In challenging times, the most valuable thing you can give someone is not your answer, but the confidence and clarity to find their own. Step One: Ground The first step in coaching, when it matters most, is staying grounded yourself. You cannot guide others through chaos if you are swept up in it. This means noticing your own stress responses, whether that’s becoming overly directive, withdrawing, or multitasking through conversations. and choosing to slow down. Even in urgent situations, a few deep breaths and a moment of mental pause can reset your ability to listen deeply. That presence signals to others that they can trust you to hold space for them, no matter how turbulent things feel. Step Two: Optimize Second, ask questions that dive directly into the heart of the matter. In the coaching world, we call this “forming powerful questions”. In high-pressure situations, surface problems can distract from the real issue. Instead of “What happened?” or “Why did this go wrong?”, try questions like, “What is most important right now?” or “If you could solve one part of this, which would make the biggest difference?” These types of questions help the other person prioritize and focus, which is critical when energy and resources are limited. The goal is not to lead them to your answer, but to help them see the situation clearly and identify the leverage points for action that will work best for them. This fosters meaning and intrinsic engagement, even under stress. Step Three: Collaborate Lastly, taking a coaching approach invites us to lean into partnering instead. We want to eliminate any conversational hierarchy. When people feel they’re being “managed” or “talked down to,” they tend to either shut down and resist or rely too heavily on you to make the next move. Coaching in moments that matter means positioning yourself as a collaborator in problem-solving, not just an overseer. A simple shift in language—from “Here’s what you need to do” to “What options are you considering, and how can I support you?” fosters trust and autonomy. Over time, this creates a culture where people are more self-propelled, and you’re free to focus on strategic, not just tactical, demands. Finally, remember that coaching in critical moments is not about perfection. Coaching is about consistently showing up with curiosity, presence, and belief in others. Even small shifts in how you approach a conversation can have an outsized impact on someone’s confidence and performance. In a world where uncertainty is the only constant, those who can coach effectively under pressure become not just leaders or practitioners, they become stabilizing forces for entire teams, organizations, and communities. Coaching when it matters most |
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