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Laurel Elders Hi everyone. Welcome to Coaching Equips, an exploration in human potential designed to equip coaches, future coaches, and coach-like leaders to develop their excellence in their coaching work. I'm um, Laurel Elders, founder of the Institute for Integrative Intelligence. I'm an ICF master certified coach and I got my start as a professional coach in 2005 when I officially became a coaching geek and have not looked back since. I have with me today. I'm so excited. Dr. Kristin Truman-Allen. She is a cherished senior faculty here at the institute, an outstanding executive coach and welcome Kristen. 00:42 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Thank you. Happy birthday. 00:44 Laurel Elders Oh, thanks. 00:48 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen We have to say happy birthday. Since we're talking about identity, we have to talk about, you know, chronological stuff too. Right? 00:54 Laurel Elders That's true. Yeah. 00:55 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Happy birthday! 00:56 Laurel Elders Thank you! So today we are going to be discussing, self identity. And this is so it's such a deep and rich topic because to me coming at, self identity from a coaching lens. Right. I'm not a therapist, but as a coach where we help people grow, develop and self actualize, I've learned that self identity is so connected to confidence, purpose, relationships, personal fulfillment, cognitive well being and can even be connected to like imposter syndrome. So to me it's kind of this under the radar, not very much talked about aspect to reaching our potential. 01:43 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Under the radar and not talked about, but also core. I feel like it's the center of our decision making, of our presentation, our presence, choices, M and fulfillment. 01:59 Laurel Elders Yeah, I love that. Yeah, Core. It really is core. Absolutely. And it's interesting too, just being a coach, leadership coach like that self identity is. Even if we're not talking about it, we're often coaching around it. Like what is true, what is not true, how do we get to the truth? 02:23 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Yeah. And it makes me think about transformation in general. If people are truly trying to transform their lives, how much of their identity are they hooked to that's keeping them from transforming or they're not connected to in a way that could propel that transformation. 02:45 Laurel Elders Yeah, yeah. And you know, we often talk about in class like the uh, m aspect of finding ourselves. Like who am I really? Who am I really? Without my defense mechanisms and my fears and my limiting beliefs, who. Who is that person? But then in the coaching work and especially in integrative intelligence work, it's this aspect of how can I create who I want to be. There's an element of choice. M and an element of accepting. Well, wait, there's hardwiring. There's things about me as I'VE been born. That is, that's, that's part of who I am. And can I be self accepting? 03:28 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen I like how you're saying how I been born. Um, like there's a lot of. I live in Maine now and there are massive amounts of acorns all over the property. Or you got to be careful in the fall because you're like dodging them. They're hitting on the head. And it reminds me of like what we are born with, what's in us. And in a class, um, recently, one of the UM participants talked about coming home to like discovering and dusting off and, you know, where we come home to and that the information is all there. And so if we could find that identity the way it was maybe intended to be, what we came with, what we have, um, then the coaching is the process of finding it, unearthing it, nurturing it, whatever that is, fertilizing it to bring it forward so that it could fully, fully be expressed. 04:27 Laurel Elders Yeah, right. Like I'm thinking of just nurturing it. And in coaching we were going to grow, so. Growing from that core space. Yeah. Really powerful difference. Well, in preparation for our conversation, because I was so excited to dive into this, because it's so, it's so rich, um, I was looking up some of the definitions. So Merriam Webster defined self identity as the sameness of a thing with itself. Another one was identification with someone or something outside of oneself. Oxford language defined it as the recognition of one's potential and qualities as an individual. And then Encyclopedia.com defined it as self concept. So, hello, there's a wide variety of definitions out there, which is pretty interesting to me. What do you think about that? 05:27 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Well, it makes me think of the question you have asked. I've heard you ask, um, around. Who are you telling yourself who you are? And also how did you ask it? Oh, the mental equation, like, what does that equate to? So my self identity, there's a story and there's a reason I'm telling that story, but also what does it equate to? And do I have some kind of attachment, um, or a judgment about what that's equating to. Which from a coaching perspective makes me think of when we're working with clients, our self identity becomes almost, um, lost or maybe redefined, uh, by everyone else's perception of what they should, what they think it should be or than what we think it should be. Um, that's what's coming up for me. Like how do we get to, or get our clients to that place of identifying what does this equate to and what now? 06:31 Laurel Elders M. Yeah. And for those tuning in, um, this concept of mental equations, just to give it some definition. So mental equation is when we have a concept of a part of ourselves and we equate that core part of ourself with something. So for example, um, if as a leader I equate my self worth to money I make, if I equate myself to how much impact I have, you know, it could be anything. So being more conscious of our mental equations can help us see, wait, is that mental equation empowering me or depleting my energy? And they're often unconscious, not subconscious, but just they're, they can be operating in the background. And so I think that's the one thing I love about coaching is that self discovery process of oh my gosh, I hadn't realized I was equating this to that. Um, now I can shift that. 07:25 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen So true. In your book you talk about the identity being made up of environmental pieces, of cultural pieces, chronological pieces, um, stories that we've told ourselves. And um, you know, I think as we're celebrating your birthday, we're thinking also of okay, what was my self identity in my 20s, what was it in my 30s, what was it in my 40s? And um, it's an interesting activity to sort of make a list of all of those things, right? Like chronologically, um, all of those elements, environmentally, all of those pieces and what's been consistent across and what's evolved. 08:08 Laurel Elders Yeah. Oh, I love that. And it, it's so true. I've been actually thinking because I'm heading into my 50s, so I'm thinking, well, who do I want to be in that decade? Right. Is there anything I want to really intentionalize around that and make sure it's showing up? Um, and even just shifting from that not so conscious state to just living more intentionally of what elements do we want to activate within ourselves? Right. And bring forward as we in whatever role we are, we're in. 08:44 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen What would you say about. Since we're, you know, you're talking about setting intentions, moving forward around self identity for transformation, what are your thoughts on what to let go of in terms of creating the spaciousness and the vacuum, um, or what might be getting in the way? 09:04 Laurel Elders Mhm. One in integrative coaching, the first thing that we look at is what is not the truth. So as I mentioned, we're not our fears, defense mechanisms, limiting, um, beliefs so unhooking from anything that's not true as um, oh, that's an experience I'm having. That's not the truth of who I am or what is possible for me. So I see that as like a really core step one, and then the step two is like accepting, oh, okay, this is how I've been born. Um, so for example, I've worked with a couple of mentors that I am very introverted. I love teaching, I love socializing, but I'm very introverted. I need a lot of downtime. And at first I fought against that and I had a couple mentors that were like, no, you shouldn't limit yourself. And that, uh, what I found is that the more I fought against that, the more burnt out I got until I just embraced. This is who I am. This is how I'm wired. And once I like slipped into honoring it and self acceptance around it, I, it, it was a game changer. And then that third piece of, okay, so I know who I am, I know what I'm about now. Who do I want to be? Who do I want to make sure I'm showing up as? So that would be to me, like the third thing to really bring in. 10:35 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Yeah, I love your language of slipping in and honoring. Seems is so powerful when we're resisting, but we have to recognize we're resisting. 10:44 Laurel Elders Yeah, yeah. 10:46 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen And if we're tied into a self identity that is. That maybe has been serving for a while unconsciously, then it would be really hard to resist that, to let go of it and. Or even notice that there's resistance of trying to shift into something different. 11:03 Laurel Elders Yeah, yeah. 11:04 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Well. 11:04 Laurel Elders And I was just. Actually we. I just put out an article on, um, you know, what happens when a self identity is. Is shifting. So for example, um, for me personally, I've really heavily identified with rock climbing as my outlet and kind of as who I am. And I didn't realize when I lost, um, I didn't have climbing partners when we moved and I was. So I was just felt this depression and my husband finally decided. He's like, I think you've lost a part of your self identity. And I was like, oh my gosh, that is exactly it. So as doctors, lawyers, athletes, coaches, when we have had something that has been a core part of us, and then all of a sudden we're retiring, we're shifting careers. How do we, how do we have that, that shift and still hold on to the core pieces of ourself? Anyway, I'd love your. Your thoughts. 12:10 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Yeah, well, I think recognizing so powerful that you had a partner who could identify it and. Or Mirror it for you and realize there's this gap, this thing missing, um, and not being, not having any judgment about whether that is a good or a bad identity. Right. Like it's just part of who you are and how you are fully expressed. And um, and I, I think I can relate from a. As you were talking, I was thinking about the multiple different kinds of conversations that I have that involve a little bit of identity for me because I am a parent of an adult child. So I have communities where these, you know, we're sharing stories about what it's like to have adult children and those parenting challenges and joys and what's different about that and how we parented at that time. And then I also have um, a daughter who's a senior in high school and a son who is a freshman in high school. So those, there's almost an identity in those separately based on the community that ends up around. Same thing with my middle schooler. And I'm a mother of a toddler. My baby will be almost 2. And so in these pockets of different communities, I'm having conversations that I have had before, but I've had that I'm having now, uh, freshly but with also parents that are brand new parents. And so they're also generationally in a different place and have a different kind of experience. And so I'm exploring what that identity is for me in terms of all each. Where does it fit those kinds of things? Right. Um, and what does that mean? And I don't know that there's an answer necessarily, but I think it's an example of an awareness of what, how do we, how are we defining ourselves? How, what is the story that we're telling ourselves and how does that inform the story that we're telling other people in the way that we're making connections and purpose in the world? 14:17 Laurel Elders Yeah, yeah. Well, and how about more unconsciously, what are your thoughts on the connection between our self identity and confidence or imposter syndrome? 14:35 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Well, I think if we are practiced and have an identity with what we either prefer or we know, then it impacts our confidence. Right. Or if it's an identity that we think that is supported by society and so then there's all of this power behind it to stand in it and be confident with that identity and then if it's different than what you have believed or thought to be true or thought was valuable so we should come back to value. Right. Um, that impacts the confidence, but also imposter syndrome or that ability to feel your power. 15:23 Laurel Elders Mhm. 15:26 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen I'm even thinking about, um, I feel confident as a parent, but I often still, as a parent of 20 year, 28 years, still feel like an imposter mom. 15:38 Laurel Elders Interesting. 15:39 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Right? And I can be confident as a mom, but also feel like m. That is the equation around equating how I think other moms are in terms of their, um, capacity or ability or what I, what I think is valuable. 16:04 Laurel Elders Right. 16:05 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Did the fact that I got food in the crock pot and did these things this morning and, you know, did that impact me as a, as a. What I do or I, who I'm being and how does that impact really anything in the story that I tell? 16:22 Laurel Elders Yeah. Yeah. So interesting. When I've been thinking more about imposter syndrome, I, I just keep talking to more and more people that struggle with it. And I've noticed that in certain areas, I, if I step into a new area, I don't know if it's imposter syndrome, but it's definitely like, oh, my gosh, do I have what it takes? Am I the right person? Right. So these, these questions come up, and I was thinking about it through some of the integrative frameworks, and what came forward was a couple things to consider around imposter syndrome is sometimes we are legitimately, legitimately missing a skill. There's something that we need to learn to really step into something. And that imposter feeling can mirror that back that, oh, there, there is a gap that we could close. M. Um, um, but sometimes it's this lack of confidence in who I am and what I'm about. Am I enough, you know, that question. So it can also be really an internal process or both. Right? It could be both, which is also common. And I know a lot of leaders that talk about this, and especially the more we step, um, into greater, I should say, new territories, I think it's something that leaders can identify with. Yeah. 17:50 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen I was just thinking about how when we're looking at a, from a chronological perspective or even in cultural and environmental, I wonder how many times people don't question their ability in the very beginning when they're younger and they're moving and it's acceptable to be in this growth and learning space, but once there's this perception that they're supposed to already know or reached a certain capacity or have this certain kind of success cap that now I'm supposed to know, and it's not okay if I don't know. And what if, um, someone finds out that I don't know? 18:26 Laurel Elders Right. Yeah. And transparency how much transparency do I bring around? My limitations? And yeah, there's so much to consider there, especially in leadership roles. I was also reflecting on when self identity can be an asset and when it can be a liability. Like when does the asset become a liability? Um, or how could we transform a liability into an asset? Mhm. 19:04 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen That question makes me want to look at it from a wholeness lens. 19:08 Laurel Elders Mhm. 19:12 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen So if we've got. Yeah. If we've got something that we think is an asset and if it's. If we're just like any other strength, right. If we are overusing it, or um, is something else becoming weaker or if we've overused it now, is it becoming a weakness? 19:28 Laurel Elders Mhm. 19:29 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Because it's either using it in the wrong context, using it, um, unconsciously or inappropriately, even though it's a strength. So from wholeness though, if we overlay that identity and look at it from the whole big picture, then where does that, an integration, where does that impact? Can we avoid impacting in a negative way? 19:59 Laurel Elders Mhm. Yeah, that makes sense. And how aware are we of our own wholeness and operating through that wholeness versus, you know, fragmented. Right, the opposite of wholeness or uh, you know, integration versus disintegration. Fullness versus fragmented. So how aware are we of um, this is just a part of me and there's a whole, there's many parts to who I am. And how can we help these parts all come together as one? Because they're all connected. That's the thing. We can compartmentalize mentally, but in reality they're all connected. So how, how can I engage these different parts of me and at different times and have like, activate um, things within myself from that wholeness awareness. 20:51 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Yeah. And as you're talking about that, you're making me think of how important it is that we're. And from a coaching perspective, why we do this work from around the who and not the what. So if we're compartmentalizing, compartmentalizing and we're talking about our self identities, are our clients thinking of those as roles versus who they are and what they bring and how they show up? Right. Am I. Because if I'm thinking about my identity as my job, then I'm connected or attached in that way versus as a leader or as um, an evocateur or you know what I mean? Like someone who um, initiates change. Like who. Who am I being as opposed to? What am I doing? That conversation can impact our identity and create some clarity that brings that wholeness as a Through line. 21:53 Laurel Elders Well, and that's where the transformation comes from. Right? In coaching we can't stay on the surface looking at logistics and invite transformation. It doesn't work that way. 22:03 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen It's going to be moving things around. 22:05 Laurel Elders Right. 22:05 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Like pieces and yeah, yeah, let's move. 22:08 Laurel Elders This stressful element over here and that. But nothing on the inside shifts. 22:13 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Right? 22:15 Laurel Elders Yeah. I also think about um, self identity is what boxes have we put ourselves in. So thinking about the liability side, um, you know, I think for those, for those who know me, know that I was an atheist for years because I wanted a scientific explanation for everything. And then I had some experiences and it opened me up to, okay, there might be more to life than meets the eye, but what I noticed in that moment I, those years that I was in the box of I am an atheist. That's it, that's me, that's who I am. I wouldn't, I wasn't open to anything else. So I'd close myself off from um, something greater could be at play in life. So it was just really interesting to see, okay, what boxes have we put ourselves in and why? For me it was fear of the unknown. So looking back after some self reflection. But what, um, what I've noticed is that fear can put us in some pretty interesting boxes. And if we equate ourselves to those boxes, how we incidentally can limit ourselves, um, instead of being open to, oh, maybe, maybe there is something different here to look at. I don't know. 23:36 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Especially if we're trying to explore possibilities. 23:39 Laurel Elders Yeah. 23:39 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Right. So as coaches or as leaders who are using a coach approach, if we're working with people who um, have kind of a boxed or compartmentalized or maybe an all or nothing approach, then how can we ask the right questions to be able to um, get to what's behind that, what's deeper in order to see a bigger possibility? 24:04 Laurel Elders M. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wondering, are you seeing um, so maybe that's a spiritual example of how we could put ourselves in a box. Um, but any other ideas of what other areas um, do these boxes show up? 24:27 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Mhm. Well, I think even personally, um, being an executive in a corporate environment, that's a specific kind of box. Right. It's a specific kind of way of showing up. So then shifting to being the executive of my business as a stay at home mom, what's different about that and how do I carry myself different about that and what am I attached to in that court, in that corporate environment that could be a hook that keeps me limited, that limits My integration and expansiveness at home. Right. In the business at home, which was a big shift for a lot of people in, in the middle of COVID Right. When you shift to be at home and suddenly they're working with children and cats and dogs and partners. And like how do I, what happened to my professionalism? Like how do you know, how does this show up? What's my presence? 25:32 Laurel Elders Mhm. 25:33 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Um, so I think that's an example of an awareness of where those compartments that we maybe weren't originally aware of, but how to find a way to continue to be who you are regardless of the box. 25:49 Laurel Elders Right. 25:50 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen And it took a big huge stretch for a lot of people to be able to see it in a different way. 25:56 Laurel Elders Mhm. Yeah, that's. That's really fascinating. And how has, how do you see your. In like your self, um, identity has evolved over the years. 26:11 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Just curious, how's my self identity evolved? Um, well, I think the through line has been, you know, I definitely tell myself that I am physical and um, connected to the environment and I do this outdoor kinds of work. My coaching, I prefer to be outside. Well, where that starts to get in my way is if that's not an option. So how do I. Am I not that if I'm having one on one coaching? No, I'm not. You know what I mean? Like I am still that and I'm still connected and I can still tap into the wisdom of those experiences. Um, so that's a through line like that has been consistent over time. This value for me that continues to show up and I'm more fully expressed when I can live that value outside. Um, but it doesn't mean that my capacity or my um, what's the word? Effectiveness is different. Not in that environment. Does that answer your question? 27:26 Laurel Elders Yeah. Yeah. Because it's almost like you, you caught a box potentially and we're like, no, it doesn't need to be there. 27:34 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Right. If I can't do it outside, I'm not doing it at all. Well, that would be too much of a box. 27:40 Laurel Elders Yeah. 27:40 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Right. But I think what we're getting to there in. I love the question. I'll give it some more thought. And how has my identity changed over time? Certainly. I mean I was an ER nurse, I had a huge ER nurse identity for a very long time and some loss when I let go of being a trauma nurse. Um, and there's still, there's still the essence of how I behave that is very similar to when I connect to other trauma first responders. There's A vibe that's still there and I can feel it. And I don't have to be attached to the title anymore because I can still be relatable and still connect because I'm aware of the vibration that is who that was for me. 28:28 Laurel Elders Mhm. 28:30 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen So over time I let go of the title but brought the essence of. Okay, that is that vibration, that ability to, to be uh, an ex, know, um, a lot of things and have a lot of language serves me in other ways too. So how can that still be part of my identity in who I am? And that's a bunch of. Yeah, that's a lot of self awareness, a lot of self development work around who am I. Yeah. How do I, how do I show up? How do I want to show up? 29:06 Laurel Elders Right. That, that. I just so appreciate you brought that forward because um, I know my husband and I have had a lot of conversations. So he's, he went into the military right out of high school. He's been in the military 23 years. Um, and the question of do I retire? This is who I am and what is going to happen when I shift into or out of the military. How, who will I be without it? Um, it's his way to contribute and give back and um, help support people. So it's a really fascinating journey of self. And I just. What I'm appreciating is you brought forward, you took the essence of um, what you experienced as emergency, um, RN nurse into and you brought it with you. I just, I just love that piece of wisdom right there. 30:01 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Well, I think it brings us to a conversation about values and that the values are at the core of that. Right. So um, if I look at chronologically over time, the different kinds of. And I've done this like made a list chronologically, what were my identities, what are my self identities at this time in my life and what were they here? And um, if the value that shows up consistently is about service and about freedom, for me, right. There's always movement, there's freedom, there's um, there's some health fitness pieces of that that involve um, yeah, just health. Right. Even as a nurse it was part of health. Like I, I might not identify as a nurse anymore, but I identify with um, healing and ways of healing and ways of being so that we can have a really lasting contribution in the world. So they're all connected. But I think part of that self identity gets lost if we're not true to our values. So doing the values work to figure out what is the value here and I've said that this was a value for me, but am I actually living a way that reflects that value that can help me as I let go of an identity? And my partner also just retired from, um, fire and policing in this first. And like. M, who am I now and how do I want to use this and contribute? Because both of these people that we're talking about are young and have lots of opportunity to contribute in a different kind of way. So how can they take all of this juicy stuff that they've learned in this part of their life and bring it forward as an identity and wholeness? 31:56 Laurel Elders Mhm. 31:58 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen And be of service in the way that's authentic and unique for them? 32:04 Laurel Elders Right. Like, the essence is still there, but it might take a different form. How can we channel that into something new and exciting? M. It also lights us up. Nice. Yeah. Well, thank you, Kristen. This has been so fun to explore with you, as always, and thank you everyone who's joining us. We really hope that today's exploration on, um, you know, self identity, confidence and the different ways it can show up in our lives has been a lantern to you on your path with your own potential. At the Institute, it's our mission to elevate human potential through the art and the science of masterful coaching. And if you're an individual or organizational leader seeking to bring coaches into what you do, please reach out. We have an outstanding team of coaches here ready to serve. Thank you, and we'll see you next time. 32:59 Dr. Kristen Truman-Allen Thank you.
1 Comment
 What do doctors, lawyers, athletes, clergy, military members, and leaders all have in common? We all have to come face to face with our self-identity at some point in our career path.
Were we ushered into our challenging profession by our parents or societal standards? If yes, letting go of an identity can feel like a relief, and we get to answer the question… what's my true calling? However, for those of us called into what we do, facing a shift in our identity is the crux of our life's journey. The crux can feel the same, whether the shift is due to retirement, getting older, injury, or a traumatic life circumstance. Daunting. Regardless of why we face the crux, we are left with the question, "What's next?" In rock climbing, the hardest part of the climb is called the crux. Yet, you won't reach the top if you back down off the crux. Suppose you stay the course, locate solid holds, and trust them. In that case, you will not only get to the top but also experience the view of a bigger perspective – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. In life, facing our internal crux as we shift our career and identity is similar to climbing. In this exploration, we will unpack the three key elements to consider when examining the heart of internal crux… what is next? Element 1 – Gain a Bigger Perspective When you are at the crux of a climb, looking up, your single goal is to get to the top. You have yet to experience the view from the top. You can't yet see the bigger picture. You are still in the grind of it all. At this moment, when it is most challenging, you can give up, or you can dig deep and remember you can make it to the top, and there is an expansive view waiting for you. When it comes to a career shift, it is the same. We can see what is right in front of us, not what is possible. It helps to take a bird's eye view of life and get into the bigger picture of your life. In climbing, this means remembering that the destination is always above. In life, this means recognizing the sum of success is above the career title. Consideration: Take a 1-2 hour hike, walk, or kayak and reflect on where the true value of your life comes from when you rise above it to take a bird's eye view of your life. Element 2 – Examine Your Equations When lead climbing or traditional climbing, there can be a moment of question at the crux. "Why do I do this?" "This is too dangerous." "This is just too hard." "I don't see any holds." And yet the drive and challenge to succeed overrides the doubts. Inner equations are unconscious fear-based perceptions we harbor about our value or abilities. We can catch these by observing our thoughts. The sooner you catch them, the sooner you can shift them. Fear doesn't negate possibility, but it sure can block it. An equation can take different shapes. For example, self-worth can be equated to a car, career title, status, or income. Someone can earn a great income, but if their brother makes more, they might feel less. Examining our mental equations helps us reach the path forward beyond the crux. Also, in climbing, when each of those fears are turned around, they become strengths. "I climb because I LOVE this level of challenge!" "I've got all the gear. I'm safe." "There is a way. I will find it." Those thoughts give the body fuel and momentum and give the mind a positive direction. When facing a shift in our identity, it is ten times more empowering to shift into our truth. Consideration: Notice negative thoughts. Catch them and write them down. Reflect on: "What is the positive and yet also truer version of this thought?" Negative thoughts-beliefs-perceptions are not the truth of our lives. Get to the truth – it is a shortcut to the top. Element 3 – Review the Beta In rock climbing, the climber has a belayer. The belayer ensures the safety of the climber by managing the rope tension and offering beta, encouragement, and support. Beta is the perspective of the belayer on what is possible for the next hold. Who are your best belayers in life that help you gain new beta to consider and, therefore, a broader perspective? Consideration: Make a list. "Who in my community gives me perspective and good beta? Who outside of my immediate community can I add to this list?" Listing out everyone can help us realize the roots we have to grow from. The list may include a personal coach, colleagues, mentors, family, friends, or other groups. Under the stress of facing a life shift, it is normal to become self-forgetting. With a list, you can return to it when you reach a new crux and consider, "Who has the best beta for this?" In Conclusion Expanding our sense of self from a higher view of our lives can be one of the most daunting things we can face. Yet, it can be even more rewarding and meaningful when we pivot into new possibilities and in honor of past success. No matter what crossroads you find yourself at, facing any crux on your life path - instead of backing down - is a mentally, spiritually, and emotionally empowering process. It is a journey from success to legacy. …………. Author: Laurel Elders, MCC, CEC Laurel is the CEO of the Institute for Integrative Intelligence. She is an avid rock climber in her 40s, facing "what's next" after climbing. Her husband, Patrick Elders, is a military veteran of 22-years, passionate about ensuring military members have the support to locate their "next steps" after devoting themselves to a life of service. Laurel's article is dedicated to those professionals who are up to big things in life and facing a life review by asking, "what's next." 00:03
Bryant Alexander All right, so, you might be feeling stressed. You might also feel a little burnout, but also, you might be feeling a lot of anxiety. Guess what? You're not the only one. So, what if I told you that becoming a professional coach is the remedy to all these problems? Stay with me. Here's why. When you're coaching, you are a partner with your clients in making transformational change. As a result, you are learning and growing yourself. I'm here with Laurel elders and Jill Aronoff, and we're here to talk to you about how coaching might be the next move for you. 00:47 Laurel Elders Thank you so much, Bryant. And let's talk about it. Let's talk about how coaching is shifting minds and hearts, and specifically how. How coaching helps us move from that head space to a heart space. 01:04 Jill Aronoff So true. I'm, um, experiencing this daily, even working with my clients, and I'm seeing so much tension and stress everywhere across the board. It just feels like the whole world is tense right now. 01:20 Bryant Alexander Yeah. Trying times, stress. Like I said, anxiety, looking, uh, for a sense of purpose. Um, everybody's just trying to figure it out. It's like you might be a little bit anxious, you might be a little bit more anxious around the job market, maybe money. But coaching is this instrumental tool that I think, and we all. Everybody here can think will be that instrument in order to help with that change that you might be looking for. 01:50 Jill Aronoff Definitely. And true, pure coaching, as well. I know everybody's calling themselves coaches right now. Like, my dogs think that they're a coach, but really, when you're trained to understand how to ask those powerful questions and when and create that framework is just the, uh, learning experience opens up so much. 02:15 Bryant Alexander Yeah. Laurel, curious to hear from you. How do you think that coaching can be instrumental for somebody right now? 02:24 Laurel Elders Well, one thing that I think we need to really consider is that we have these technologists that are creating AI, and yet they haven't even developed the true intelligences within them yet. And I just think that's really fascinating, because we still have. We have all of these potentials within us to develop. Specifically, we teach eight domains of human potential, and these are domains that many people have yet to explore. And so by learning the technology that's already embedded within us and tapping into real intelligence that's inside of us already like that, that just takes your life and your work, your purpose, to a whole different level. 03:15 Bryant Alexander And to talk about those eight domains, we could talk forever about them. We talk about the somatics when we talk about cognitive, we talk about integration. When you talk about spiritual, relational, whatever it might be. But at its core, the way I think about these domains, once you're able to understand them a bit or become a little bit more aware of them, I look at them as kind of superpowers. And with these superpowers, you're able to kind of, I frame it as you're able to be more of an observer of your own experience. You're able to step outside of yourself and say, like, here's what I can control, and here's what I can't control, but I'm okay with the things that I can control. And I think that we're so consumed with screens, technology, AI being a big fear for a lot of people right now and taking jobs. And it's just like we forget that these domains, through coaching can actually help you better understand where is the human piece in all of this AI, because we're creating AI. Uh, so it's just that, like you said, laura, with these different intelligences that we have within us, it's like, how do we become, I guess, more masterful or exhibit more self mastery in order to actually understand those domains a little bit more? 04:31 Laurel Elders Yeah, yeah. And I'm just curious with both of you, what do you see as, um, moving into a heart space from a headspace? 04:43 Jill Aronoff A great question. It's something that I still battle every day with in myself, and I really see it when I'm working with clients and they're battling with it and they say something that I really resonate with, and I'm like, oh, yeah. And that's the piece where you're working on yourself alongside of your clients, but really just understanding, knowing your heart and following your heart and having equal space for your heart as your head. So many people are always in their head, but what if it could be equal? 05:19 Bryant Alexander Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with that, Jill. And I think when it comes to the time that we're in right now, it, uh, kind of goes back to what I've seen with whether it's LinkedIn or prospective, um, client. Cause what I've seen is just this sense of purpose. So I frame that as more, so curiosity and people wanting to have more curiosity about themselves or better understand that relationship with themselves. Um, and through that, I see a lot of people being hard on themselves, which is a lack of self compassion, which is another way of functioning from the heart space. And just understand that I need to exhibit self compassion for myself as a leader, as an individual, before I can actually understand what self compassion in the external world looks like. And overall, functioning from a heart space is kind of just looking with. For me, uh, whether you are an individual, a high performer, a leader, however you want to label yourself, it is just having. Being able to redefine the relationship itself, because I believe that the most important relationship you'll ever have with is with yourself, because that relationship permeates to all the domains of your life. And we can talk about tools that we use as coaches, such as the will of life, whether it's like spiritual, community, uh, work, finances, like, in order for us to understand that, we have to function from the heart space, and there has to be an even. Of course, we need logic. It's not to say, like, hey, I'm just doing. I'm just following my passion aimlessly, but it's just like, how do you dive into that heart, um, space to understand the things that fuel you versus the things that drain you? And I love to use the will of life or purpose will, depending on how you've used it before, in order to better understand what's going on in that heart space, because you get into thoughts, you get into emotions, you get into sensations within the body to actually understand what's going on with you. Mhm. 07:21 Laurel Elders That is so, so well put. And the other thing that comes to mind for me is here in the heart, is your purpose, is your power, and is principles. Our principles exist within us. And what I mean by principles is there are. And I didn't know this until probably about a decade ago, there's possibilities that exist within us that we just have to activate. And they're. They're human virtues, and they're available. They're like the medicine for our lives and our work, and they empower when we lead our life through those which coaching puts us in touch with. And as, uh, coaches, we help people get in touch with. It is a profoundly different experience. And so that transformative element is just so impactful and. And it helps us rise above the stress. The stressors are not going away. Right. But we can be a part of the solution, and we can learn how to live more elevated. 08:30 Jill Aronoff Saying that, uh, Laurel, it made me think of self care and how we define self care, and maybe it's self maintenance and self care, and self care really is finding that rejuvenation for ourselves and building that resilience. And once we learn how to do that, we can help other people learn how to do that. And then the possibilities are really endless, and it just opens up so much more heart centered and love and less stress. 09:02 Bryant Alexander Hm. 09:02 Jill Aronoff Mhm. 09:04 Bryant Alexander Agreed. Agreed. And with that self care and with those stressors, I think it also goes back to not only self awareness, but also self regulation. I think we get those two confused a lot of time. Like, we can have a lot of awareness as far as what's going on. That's actually a part of coaching. And we already know what we need for ourselves. We already know that we need to be better with our nutrition or be better with our fitness, or have better relationships with our family. But as far as that regulation, that's actually like taking action, in my opinion, being able, again, to be the observer of your experience. And I think this is where coaching comes in at. And even doing research on coaching, there's only about 58,000, uh, ICF credentialed coaches, which means that there is so much opportunity for people to become a part of this group and kind of get these superpowers, because remember, these superpowers, they work for your client. But going through that journey of understanding those, um, eight domains, understanding, like the things that, what resilience looks like for you or repairing that relationship with you is a process within itself and it is quite the investment, for sure, but well worth it only because, you know, any type of reinvestment with self takes time, right? It's not going to happen overnight. Reinvention doesn't happen overnight. Um, redefining your journey or having more choice, developing the space for more choice doesn't happen overnight. So I just think that becoming a ICF accredited coach, understanding your superpowers, exhibiting that self care, redefine a relationship with self managing, understanding, like what's the stressor, uh, versus stress within me, opens the door for possibility and you become a part of this kind of niche group of individuals. Like I said, only 58,000 people are ICF accredited coaches right now. Right? 10:58 Jill Aronoff So is that worldwide? 11:01 Bryant Alexander Worldwide. Worldwide, yeah. So just being able to become a part of that class of individuals who I think my coach framed us as, like, we're all just weird because we're just all infatuated with growth. It's just, you will become a growth, a real personal development junkie. Right? So, so much opportunity right now. 11:23 Laurel Elders Well, and let's, let's talk about career elevation, right? So how the coaching skills, as you put it, superpowers, these superpowers, how they help us in our career progression. Like, Michael, perfect timing to hop on the call because just the other day you and I were talking about there's all these different areas that AI is going to be automating and tasks and things that are going to be handed over. But the human touch, the human spirit, cannot be replaced. Cannot, period. So learning those skills, uh, and how to elevate human potential. Learning the skills to elevate human potential, the real intelligence. 12:11 Michael Tucker Yeah, that's such a good point. Um, it's interesting, I've talked to a lot of folks who, um, have had an opportunity to work with some of the AI tools, and they appreciate the AI tools for what they are, but at the end of the day, they still want humans. Mhm. 12:32 Jill Aronoff And you can, as a coach, you can use AI to your advantage and help you become more masterful, and then you can bring that human touch to your clients. 12:45 Michael Tucker Yeah. 12:46 Bryant Alexander But the goal is to first become masterful with your coaching. Like before technology, like even before AI. Ah. Um, a tech founder told me, like, you know, do your process or try your product, just without technology and see if it actually works. Because technology only brings out more of the flaws within something that, within the technologies, within that process of establishing that technology or that technology. So make sure you just try it out, become masterful with just the thing without technology, and then from there, try it out, see if it works, see if it's actually something that is needed. 13:20 Laurel Elders I love that you brought that up, Bryant, because technology is, uh, on its own life support system. If it's unplugged, do we have the skills to really do what we need to do and be masterful in our own lives? 13:36 Jill Aronoff I'm thinking about, um, focus, and a lot of people right now are really struggling with focus and being distracted, and they blame their phones and they blame technology. I could see how somebody might go into AI and say, how could I stop being distracted from my phone? And AI may throw out some examples of put your phone down, limit your time. But in coaching, if you worked with a coach, the coach may say, what are your emotions that you're feeling the moment that you're getting distracted? And then work on those emotions, because that's the real distraction, not the phone. 14:14 Bryant Alexander Yeah. And to break down that science a little bit more, um, these habit loops that we have in our head, and when we get into that reward, part of the habit loop, from the cue to the behavior to the reward, what happens is that that reward can be positive or negative. And sometimes that negative reward is just continuing to scroll. And the importance that emotion kind of plays within the brain is that it produces positive emotion, which gives us dopamine to keep doing the thing over and over again. So it's important, like, just to not negate again getting back into that heart space, just not negate emotion, because those are the things that actually drive us to find that sense of purpose or just get anything accomplished. So, really important point, too. 15:03 Laurel Elders Yeah. Another superpower that, um, is just so profound. As I was working with my coach years ago and I got quiet and usually when I get quiet, I'm processing something and she said, where'd you go? And in that moment, I had actually started thinking, like, way I left the conversation because something she had asked, I was off in another direction. Her intuition, we were miles, hundreds of miles apart. Her intuition picked up on it. That is, that is human intuition is something. Ah, another superpower that, I mean, your coach is going to be so dialed into you and you get to learn how to be so intuitively attuned to your clients. It just, it's really profound. A lot of coaches I've talked to even say like, I'm a better parent, I'm a better spouse, I'm a better leader. Like, all these qualities just, it amplifies, um, the gifts and the potential of who you are. 16:08 Jill Aronoff Very true. And it makes me think about, again, going back to AI, how quick AI is to spit out an answer for you, where in coaching, the coach really gives the client time to think and explore. So your coach was able to give you that time to think about it and go to another place, which was so valuable, where if you were looking at AI, you would completely miss that. 16:33 Laurel Elders Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. 16:36 Bryant Alexander And, uh, I guess to add to that intuition, um, I want to be clear, like, it's the difference between instincts and intuition. Um, instincts are usually like, what kicks in when we're stressed out, like the fight, flight or flight mode. But intuition is something that has to be built over time, and you do that usually by going through coach training or working with the coach. Um, and intuition for, uh, me, I'll talk about just from my perspective, my experience, the way that I was able to actually build intuition was through coaching, but also through just mindfulness practice, whether it be breathing, uh, meditating, even just mindfully walking. Those, uh, informal practices we take for granted on a day to day. But the breath is a powerful tool in order to build that intuition because it gives you pause, so it creates more space again, so you can again be the observer of your own experience instead of like, just being in the experience and having that immediate reaction. So that's what I had to cultivate over time through coaching, also through coach training, but also through mindfulness practices, because, you know, that's just a part of the human experience. How can I create more space for myself so I can have more intuition to where something feels right? It's like having more moments of like, oh, I'm just doing this out of having less moments of, um. I'm just doing this out of survival mode versus like, the moments when we have. It just felt right. That just felt good to me, so that's why I did it right. We have more opportunities for that, but it's a muscle that has to be cultivated over time. And usually having an experience with a coach or going through coach training is the way that can be built over time. 18:27 Laurel Elders Yeah. So we have a couple more minutes, and I'd love to hear more about, um, and I'd love for you to share what kind of coaching you do, um, each of us. And, um, if you have a message for those that are really, really interested in being a part of the solution in life. 18:45 Michael Tucker Yeah, sure. So I'll start. Um, my name is Michael, Michael Tucker, and, uh, I'm a PCC, uh, coach. Uh, and, um, I specialize in executive coaching. And so I primarily work with, uh, corporate leaders, um, in both, uh, the fortune 500 space as well as government agencies. And, uh, when I get the chance, I also work with business owners, um, more the smaller side of things. And what I will tell you is that, um, coaching for me has been a journey. Um, I look at where I am now and where I was, um, ten years ago when I started, and it is absolutely not the same place. Um, and so what I will say is that if you are serious about cultivating your gift and you're serious about having a gift, and let me hear, let me be specific. Having a highly compensated gift. Okay. You know, and I'll just get personal here for a second. I was having a conversation with my sister this morning, and, um, she was sharing with me about just some, some challenges that she was having. And at the end of the day, it really boiled down to the work that she was doing and how it wasn't highly compensated work. And my advice to her was to choose a different, um, service, gain, uh, some training so she could provide a different service, so that she could be highly compensated for it. And so what I will say to you is, if you're thinking about this path, know that, number one, it is a process, but number two, if you stay the course, um, it is a highly compensated process and it will change the direction of your life. 20:48 Laurel Elders Yeah. Thank you. 20:51 Jill Aronoff So true. It's. I also think it is you were saying that the compensation is not just financial, but the growth that you experience, that your compensation is love and understanding and awareness as well. The money. Money helps, too. 21:17 Laurel Elders Uh, what coaching do you do you don't mind sharing with everyone? 21:20 Jill Aronoff Um, so I do, um, executive leadership coaching, and I also do some life coaching. I have, um, two great programs, um, through the iii, and really changed my life personally and professionally, um, taken from where I was, and I was, you know, compensated well and always working in a past life, in my past job to now really understanding, having that balance and understanding who I am and what drives me and doing the work that really changes my life and other people's lives. 22:05 Laurel Elders Uh, thank you, Bryant. How about you? 22:08 Bryant Alexander So, um, yeah, I do leadership and executive coaching. Um, I work mainly with small, uh, and mid sized businesses. Overall, uh, what I look to do is I look to take a two pronged approach to my coaching. So I work as a leadership coach, but I also work with a nutritionist in order to make sure people are showing up holistically at work. Um, I think we negate how important it is for a person to be taking care of a leader, especially to be taking care of themselves outside of work so they can show up, uh, at work. So, uh, my coaching is based in, uh, mindfulness principles. So I'll make sure that you're not just being able to grow that line of business or that team, but also making sure that you're taking care of yourself and you're being mindful in how you're growing as a leader. So, uh, yeah, that is the type of coaching that I'm doing. And the reason why I do this work is mainly because I have been somebody who has navigated very, uh, chaotic, toxic work environments. I had managers that didn't know how to invest in my development, but also managers that didn't care to invest in my development. Now, I felt that that was heavy, but if I'm flipping the mirror on myself, I was that high performer, or tried to be that high performer. I was defining myself by my title, my salary, my promotions. And it's led me to a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, eventually depression. But this is why I started my own company, uh, reframe. And this is where mindfulness, really, mindfulness coaching, neuroscience, all these things that I've become more interested in come into play, and I like to kind of bridge the gap between all three of those. So that is me. 23:49 Laurel Elders Uh, thank you. And I do life and leadership coaching with a focus on integration. So helping. Helping people really embrace the truest aspects of themselves and shed what is not true to step into whatever is calling them in life and, um, lead a life through integration. And Jill had mentioned triple I. That's us. We are the institute for Integrative Intelligence and we hope that this video has been really inspiring that you took something that you needed to hear away from today. And do know that, um, we have hundreds of coaches that we've trained and graduated and help launch into a meaningful career path that's a part of the solutions and helping people, um, you know, live and lead empowered lives. So if you want to be a part of that type of community and be high impact in all that you do, we'd love to be of service to you. We have classes starting next or, uh, this Friday. I was going to say next Friday. This Friday. So get in touch with us if you would like to learn more. We hope to hear from you. Bye, everyone. 25:01 Bryant Alexander See y'all. |
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