E-Quips: A Language Beyond Words

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Laurel Elders:
Okay. It says we're live. I am getting started today. Um, Bryant will be hopping on in a little bit, so we'll give him some time, and I just want to. Okay, here we go. So, I'm really excited for today's conversation, but while we're waiting for Bryant to hop on today's call, I just wanted to let everybody know that, um, we are hosting a pay it forward campaign, which, um, we decided to do this twice a year because we had such great success last time that we did this for the Sandy Hogan scholarship legacy. So what we do is for our coaching fundamentals class, it's a one day coach training intensive. You earn a six ICF credits if you're interested in that, and it's 100% scholarship. So if you're a leader that is seeking to become more coach like, or you have a team that you would or team leads that you would like to send through coach training, this is an outstanding opportunity. And I'm going to be posting the link below so that you can check it out and you can even sign, uh, up through the application on this page, and you can send it to your team, like I said. And, um, invite any colleagues that you wish, and that will be on August 2. So we really hope that you can join us. Um, the last one was just a blast. We have a variety of really excellent coaches that you would be learning directly from, which is really exciting. And by the end of the fundamentals class, you know, I've noticed some programs, they don't put very much in their fundamentals. We set a really solid foundation so that you effectively know how to coach. So you're going to know, you're going to walk away with the framework. You're going to walk away knowing what coaching is, but also what coaching is not. There is a lot of misconceptions. And, um, what we find is that when people branch out and sometimes start to coach without any education or training, sometimes they're actually not coaching at all. They're. They're consulting or mentoring or, um, you know, motivating in other ways. So coaching is a really highly unique approach where it's all about the person's self discovery. So they have ownership over their answers and solutions, and it's because of that, it's highly effective. And the stats, um, back that up. It's really neat to see, um, we're now living in a day and age where we have statistics on coaching. When I first started, there were very few. And now, um, it's really neat to see all of the evidence that's coming out, that's, um, really demonstrating what a results based process it is. All right, so I'm just going to go ahead and, um, dive in. We basically are hosting these equips every Tuesday, and these are weekly coaching tips that equip coaches, future coaches, and coach like leaders to develop excellence in their coaching approach. And I am your host, Laurel Elders:, with the Institute for Integrative Intelligence. We are an ICF accredited coach, training and education provider where it's our passion to elevate human potential through both the art and the science of masterful coaching. Today's topic is an expansion on what we covered in our Monday coaching mindset, newsletter and language beyond words. And I'm pausing because I wanted to get you the link. If you're not on our newsletter, I'm just going to put that, um, in the chat. You can sign up for the newsletter if you would like to receive links to the equips or the resources or articles that we share every Monday. Again, that's the Monday coaching mindset. So today's topic is the language beyond words and how does this impact our presence and leadership and effectiveness in the world, in the workplace? All of it. So we're going to do a deeper dive. But first, I just wanted to start off by, um, talking about some research that Bryant and I were really looking at. Last, eqips. And this research I want to bring forward because to me, it is such an important, most like a missing link that explains so much about human intuition, um, you know, and how we can lean into our intuition, even as a leader. So I want to cover this research before we dive into the actual topic because it really sets the stage for what we're going to be exploring. And this is that, um, there's a documentary that you want to check out called the power of the heart. This is covered, uh, in that documentary. And basically the Heartmath institute did some research about how the heart and how information flows from the heart to the brain. And in that study, participants were hooked up to brain, skin and heart monitors. Each person was shown 30 random high or low arousal images. So high arousal would be like a fire, low arousal would be like a bunny rabbit in a field on a nice day. And basically the image popped up for 3 seconds and then it was blank for 10 seconds. And, uh, the results of reactions were really unexpected. The heart reacted to the images before the brain and the skin. But what shocked the scientists even more was not really logically explainable by physical surface science. The heart clearly reacted before the person visually saw the image. But get this, it gets deeper. We're going to continue to go down the rabbit hole. What was even more unexplainable is that the heart reacted 5 seconds prior to the high arousal pictures being randomly chosen by the computer. Randomly chosen. So surface science tells us this is impossible, very improbable. However, when we study quantum physics. Quantum physics has discovered that space and time do not apply to energy in the same ways that physical matter do. So just like a radio antenna can pick up on waves, the heart was connected to something that could pick up on what was going on. So fascinating. So fascinating. Um, the other thing I want to offer about intuition, because I used to downplay the role that intuition played in a professional setting, um, as a leader, but also as a coach. When I first started out, believe it or not, um, my coach, Sandy Hoganore, who we have, um, really focused the scholarship legacies on, she was the first one that called me out on this, and she was also my mentor. And she said, hmm m why aren't you using your intuition when you coach? You're leaving out an entire part of you. I was like, well, you know, it's kind of woo woo, wishy washy. Um, I'm very much a truth seeker. I'm very skeptical. So I am one that's like, prove it, and before it's proven, I won't buy into it. That's where I was coming from. And what I discovered, um, as I was invited to research leadership, is John C. Maxwell wrote the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership. And law number eight is the law of intuition. So he says, quote, leaders look at things differently than others do. They possess leadership intuition that informs everything they do. So fascinating. So I really started to explore, what is the role of intuition in our, um, you know, in coaching, in leadership, in parenthood? And everything I was doing, I was discounting this part of myself. But yet, if you look at the research of heart math, and that research was not out at the time.
Was discounting solutions and answers that could have come to me. Right? So even Einstein, some of his discoveries were from using intuition and imagination. So, yes, there's validity in the rational world, but there's also validity in the non rational, the things that we can't quite explain, and how can those empower us or guide us? And it's not that we ever need to leave our intuitions at the door, um, or, sorry, our rational mind at the door. But the integration of both, and that's really what, um, the heart of integrative intelligence also ends. That's another aspect of it. All right, so before we go any deeper, I just want to welcome Bryant to the stage. Welcome, Bryant.

Bryant Alexander:
Thank you for the welcome. And, you know, workshops, you know, you got them. People start getting curious at the end, and, you know, the questions were coming, but I'm glad to be here. Ah, apologies, uh, on being late, but I know, Laurel, you have been holding it down. Um, how are you?

Laurel Elders:
Good, good. I was just geeking out on our topic today.

Bryant Alexander:
Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, I'm excited about it, too.

Laurel Elders:
Powerful, um.

Bryant Alexander:
Um, newsletter. Um, if you didn't read it yesterday, powerful newsletter, um, heartmath. I, um, might learn something. So I know you probably already went over that. So where are we taking it? Where are we at?

Laurel Elders:
All right, so, actually, I just covered the research that we were talking about last week with Heartmath Institute and how they discovered that the heart was connected to a form of intuition that it, you know, wasn't really explainable or wasn't, you know, they weren't aware of before, which, um, you know, I find so fascinating, and it makes a lot of sense. But one thing that I brought up in this past, um, in the past article on the language beyond words is the heart's language, and that's not something that we are really taught unless we seek out, um, this kind of information about ourselves. I know that I don't know. Have you read the book the Alchemist by Paulo Claire?

Bryant Alexander:
I read it a couple times. I read it at different stages of my life, as you take something different away from it every time.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. I feel like he did a really good job touching on this concept.

Bryant Alexander:
Mhm.

Laurel Elders:
And I recognize that there's. And I'm just going to say something that might sound a little crazy. There's two other emotions that I believe we are leaving out of our emotional language. M. And that is yes. And that is no. And the heart knows these emotions well because it's connected to something bigger. So perhaps this is our conscience, right? Where something. I'm invited to do something, and logically, I'm like, oh, I should say yes. But yet there's a part of me in my heart that's like, huh, this is aligned.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah.

Laurel Elders:
Right. And are we listening at that level to the heart's language?

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah.

Laurel Elders:
Um.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah. And I never, in reading that article, I, uh, think you threw maybe in there, too. Like, it was yes, no maybe, or. And maybe was kind of unsure. And, um. Yeah, I never thought of yes no as an emotion. Um, I think the way that you put it was that when we say yes, no, we come from a place of thinking that we're being judgmental. And I just never put two and two together. That yes and no can just be a emotion. It could be, um, a sense of joy or a sense of, like, um, I'm excited about this thing. That could be yes. That could be a form of yes, no could just be like, I don't feel good, or, my heart's starting to beat fast. I don't know if I really like that, this direction that it's going in, but it's also unsure or that can be indifferent. So I never. Yeah, I just never thought about the heart as I didn't think about yes and no as an emotion. I thought it was just more of a, I guess, position or stance that you have on something or boundaries. Like we. I guess we. That. I guess that's how it comes out in the, um, external world is how do we set boundaries. So, um. Yeah, it was an interesting read.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. And it is that too, right? It can be both. It's like. Like the ego's version of yes and no is not so much emotion based or intuition based. It's more based on judgment. Uh, maybe external factors.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, it's interesting. So I guess with. Because, uh, I watched the video, and I've actually been, like, learning a lot more about intuition. And in that experiment, it was talking so much so about, like, how the heart knew, like, the image that was going to be like, it was like the heart knew what was going to be presented before the brain or the gut could figure out what was going on. So I guess, like, how. How could that be tied to, how do we know that's intuition versus, like, something else?

Laurel Elders:
M that's one of my favorite questions to explore is, what is the difference between intuition and fear? So I am deathly afraid of flying. And I was offered the opportunity to go on an international trip, and I swore my intuition was telling me, don't go. It's not safe. And it turned out it was completely. It was all fear. And I got to thinking, well, how do I know the difference?

Bryant Alexander:
Right?

Laurel Elders:
How does anyone know the difference? What is the fear? What is the intuition? Or what is, um. Is something just a fantasy land versus an intuition? So, for me, and I'm not saying my experience is going to be the same formula as yours, but for me, there's this inner calm knowing versus an emotional reactive knowing. That's how I've learned. As, uh, after asked that question, I started observing when it was intuition, and when something did come into fruition, there's this calm inner knowing, even if it was, um, later met with an emotional response.

Bryant Alexander:
Okay.

Laurel Elders:
What your thoughts and experiences are, though.

Bryant Alexander:
Okay. Um, yes. So, um, I'm not sure what this was, but when I was going through, um, that period of a quarter life crisis, um, I had never planned to move to the east coast. Um, I thought it was just too expensive, but, you know, I wanted to get out of Chicago, which is where I'm from. And, um, it led me to Boston. And I didn't really. I was just like, uh, I don't know if I'm just taking a leap or is it intuition? I just wanted to, or I just wanted something new. Um, but turns out Boston was only about, maybe lasted for six to eight months or something like that. And I moved out of Boston, but I ended up moving to New York. I never wanted to move to New York. I thought it was too fast, it was too much, the rent's too high, and I work in. I'm working a nonprofit at the time, so, like, it's just the math wasn't math, and for me, and, um, but when I actually was able to kind of, like, as much stress that I was dealing with at the time, a little bit of depression also, um, not a lot of bit of depression. Um, what happened was just that, um, I didn't want. As much as I didn't want to be here. I saw opportunity, but I felt that something was telling me, like, stay like, you're not done here. And I don't know what that, I never understood what that was, honestly, but it was something like, uh, internally, where it's just, like, in my head, I'm like, I don't want to be here, but internally, something was just saying, like, the east coast isn't done with you yet. And I was just like, I don't know what that is. It turns out everything worked out amazingly. Like, as far as, like, I got, I was able to create community. I was able to find work that I actually cared about. I was able to find a job that I really enjoyed. Um, but I just never understood what that was like. Something just kept telling me, like, the east coast isn't done with you. Uh, literally, like, those words would pop up in my head from time to time, and I still can't explain it to this day. I just knew that even though this is a terrible situation right now, that I should, I should follow through with this. So I don't know if that was my heart speaking to me because I never wanted to live in New York. But when I got here, it was just something like telling me that, I know times are hard now, and these weren't the words, but it was. The words were, the east coast isn't done with you. And I don't know where those words came from, honestly.

Laurel Elders:
Uh, interesting.

Bryant Alexander:
And everything worked out fascinating.

Laurel Elders:
So, looking back, what, what did that teach you?

Bryant Alexander:
Uh. Uh, I think it just taught me to, um. Um. I think, I think it taught me a little bit about instinct versus intuition.

Laurel Elders:
Um.

Bryant Alexander:
Um, instinct is more of like, survival. And I knew how to survive, so I think I have good instincts. But intuition is just something that you can't always, like, see, you just kind of feel it. Like, it's just like, it's like the not knowing, but knowing. Right. Like, you can just say, like, uh, like, I think I want to stay here. This isn't like, my environment isn't reflecting like, a comfortable place that I want to be, but something else is telling me that I need to stay. So I would say in that time, what I learned is just kind of like the differences between instincts and intuition. Because instincts are just kind of like, I think nature versus nurture, uh, versus intuition is something that, ah, you can't always like, see or you can't always feel. I think it's also a muscle that you have to build as well. But I think that intuition is just not something that is, always, can be readily seen. It's just something that internal to where it's just like, okay, I'm uncomfortable, but I'm comfortable at the same time.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, I totally relate to that. Well, it's so true. And it's like, I think why it can, um, trip people up or why it's harder to trust is because it's not always logical. We rely so much on logic and rational thought, which is very helpful and valid and all of that. But we could be discounting a, um, part of ourselves that's connected to something much greater, including our greatness.

Bryant Alexander:
Agreed. Agreed. Um. Yeah, it's, I don't know. Yes, yes. And I'm still, I guess that's what was happening at the time. Like, um, I guess my heart was telling. My brain was telling me, no, you don't need to be here. This isn't the environment for you. But I guess my heart was like, yes, just go with it. See what happens. It's something here. It's something here.

Laurel Elders:
So fascinating. Well, it reminds me too. The course in miracles says that words are three times removed from reality. And I think about how we're so externally focused and maybe so surface focused, um, that sometimes we don't even. Maybe we could start considering more, what is the essence beneath what I'm thinking? What is the essence that I'm feeling? Um.

Bryant Alexander:
Could you. I don't know if you explained this already. I saw it in the, um, newsletter, too. You said words are three times removed from reality.

Laurel Elders:
Yes.

Bryant Alexander:
That is. That is a power. I don't know what it means, but it sounds really powerful. Could you explain that a bit, please?

Laurel Elders:
Yes. So, basically, what happens with the human experience is there's the phenomenon, the thing that happens, the thing that is. And then in our experience of the phenomenon, we evaluate it. We say, oh, is this. Is that phenomenon? Is it good, bad, right or wrong? And this is the, uh, the ego's way or the brain's way of categorizing, am I safe? And I. Am I unsafe? And then we take that evaluation and we interpret. We interpret the phenomenon, and we can continue to go just like a fractal. We can get caught in an illusion, or we can really, you know, begin to piece things apart and look at the essence and the truth of what something is when we get closer to it versus further away from it. But I just think it's, um, an interesting notion, because if we're so, uh, connected to judging and evaluating versus being with. Being with, we get closer to reality. Judging and evaluating can sometimes take us away from reality as distinguished from maybe discernment. Ah, this is this and that is that. Discernment versus this is good, bad, right or wrong.

Bryant Alexander:
Understood. So it's. It's more. So you. It sounds like it goes back to kind of like the evolutionary effects of just like. Like you said, survival. Like fight, flight, freeze. Like you're ready to just judge a situation, just to, uh, determine your safety in it. And words are kind of like that avenue in which we do that. And it sounds like most of the time, we either are quick to judge situations, or we might not be using the correct words in order to say. In order to say if something. In order to actually be present with the situation. And what I'm. I guess what I'm saying there is that it sounds like when it comes to judging situations, we are quick to just go into survival mode and just label it as, this is good, this is bad, this is positive, this is negative, versus just actually being present with what's going on in the situation and then having a chance to, I guess, practice mindfulness and just feeling what's coming up internally, right? Is that what you're saying?

Laurel Elders:
Yes. Yes. And I also have come to believe, after being in coaching and being self reflective, that the hearth, I believe, is not disconnected from reality. But our, uh, mind, our mind can be self deceived. But I do not see any evidence that the heart is capable of self deception. So when we're coaching, we may not call it this, but we're getting people in touch with their inner truth, their heart, their highest self. To me, it's all the same. Helping someone integrate, um, more fully.

Bryant Alexander:
It is. It is using the wisdom that the body has, instead of using all of these external. I guess what we, what we see in coaching is that we're quick to, like, say that the reason I can't do something is because of somebody else or some other external factor. So not only are we eliminating those external factors, but we're also diving into, like, different parts of the body, specifically the heart, as a way to cultivate wisdom as far as, like, how we should move forward, basically.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. Yeah. And also, I think of, too, just the, the impact that leaders with the heart of service, leaders that develop empathy, it is such a superpower. And, um, the statistics on developing EQ in the workplace are just, they're so profound. Um, just the positive impact that a leader can have just by developing that heart centeredness. And I wonder how many people like me, I talked about this before you hopped on Bryant, but how many people like me, in the beginning, kind of assumed, like, oh, heart centered is wishy washy. Oh, intuition, that's woo woo. And yet, then I would be disintegrating from a whole part of myself versus bringing my full self forward. Yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

Bryant Alexander:
Um. Um, I would say that, um, these, um, conversations around intuition, around the heart, mind, around the gut, around the mind, these, I think they're just becoming more normalized, because as we advance into a more technical world, when it comes to just AI or just, like, just using social media, I think what happens is that we start to lose touch with what is actually going on in reality, but also internally, because we're always looking at a screen or we're always consuming some type of information. So I think with that, intuition isn't woo woo anymore, because now it's like, or empathy isn't woo woo anymore, because now it's like, we have to understand the science behind how people actually connect with each other. It is. It's in, it's interesting because, like, it's. I was reading a study the other day on how to combat stress and burnout. And then it talked about just kind of, like, you know, what burnout is and just the different factors that are associated with it, which is, like, cynicism, disengagement, um, with disengagement. Um, and, um, it sounded a lot like depression. And I was just like, okay. But I guess my point in saying that is just, like, there's whole studies around emotions and just, like, the things that were talked about as spiritual, um, and how in the role that they play in how we show up, whether it be at work, whether it be, uh, at work or at home. And I guess that's where coaching is moving towards, because I think that coaching, I guess, gives people the opportunity to just reconnect, because I think that our realities are just so, like, skewed through everything that we see on social media just seems like it's ten times worse. Right? When in reality, you know, like. And I. And I say this, and this might be controversial, it's just like, you know, whoever gets elected, it's not really like the end of the world keeps going. Like, you still have, like, you. You are. We are impacted, and we're impacted in different ways, but the world doesn't stop, right? We still grow. We still have to just, like, still be able to connect with each other. We still have our legacy. We still have things that we would like to carry out. So it's just like, why is the weight of this thing. Why is this thing weighing on you so heavy? Or why is the, uh. Yeah, why is this thing weighing on you so heavy? And it's just a question. It's not to say that it can't weigh on you, but it's just better understanding. Like, okay, like, how is this impacting you internally? Or how can we better reconnect as far as, like, how you. Your relationship to this thing? Right. So I think that is where that. The woo woo. I like your word, the woo woo. I'm going to keep calling it that. The woo woo has so much science behind it now, and it's just simply, like, how do people communicate with each other? How do we communicate with ourselves? How do we better the relationship with ourselves? So I just see it as, you know, somebody just with a PhD has to say something about empathy. And, like, now everybody believes, uh, empathy is, like, a real thing. It is just like, no, it's always been here, and it's just a part of who we are. It's just up to us to cultivate it, and that just takes understanding people a lot, uh, more in a world in which it's really hard to, like, separate reality from, like, just things that are going on in our heads and not within, not using our bodies for what they're there for, which is just to protect us, but also to, um, help us understand ourselves a lot more.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah.

Bryant Alexander:
So.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, yeah, it's so true. And the, ah, what I find really fascinating is that just because we choose to learn empathy or become a heart centered leader doesn't mean we turn into a big marshmallow. Right. There was a book once that I came across said, don't be nice, be real. And. Mhm. I would love to see a world where we're comfortable with discomfort, we're comfortable with moving towards something and not pulling back and judging and, you know, running off on social media. I, uh, saw the other day, just this girl posted a picture, and it was in a kayaking group, and everyone just ripped her apart. And I was like, wow, they don't know. They don't know her. I mean, if I was her, I'd have felt terrible. And this is. This is the world we're living in.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, it's. That is. That is a part of, like, I guess, uh, my mission, too, is just to find, uh, wisdom and pain, because I think that we just put on a mask or we put up a veil, whatever you want to call it, and make it seem like everything is okay. I think you see it a lot on. I see, you see it on social media platforms. You see it through these 5999 coach training programs. Like, hey, you can do it. And you see it on LinkedIn. Like, you know, here's how my daughter taught me about marketing. And it's just like, we put up this veil, like, just, hey, that's not real, though. Like, how can we really explore the pain that we feel? Because in pain, in my opinion, is a chance to really just see who you really are, but also see how you want to be better for yourself, the world around you, and just, um, individuals in your life. And, uh, I guess that's where this whole concept comes back in. Because in order to understand pain, you got to understand your heart, right? You got to understand, like, the. Yes nos, the emotions, like, really strengthening what intuition is. Because intuition isn't always something that is. Isn't always reliable, especially if you don't use it often. Right? It is a muscle just like anything else that has to be built over time. And I, uh, really think that's where coaching comes in at, because the way that shows up at work is just like, helping an individual, not as a manager. If you're able to have a conversation with the individual about not only, like, just their okrs or their KPI's and just like. But also, how does this. How does this integrate with your personal life as well? Right. Do I need to make sure that you're off the clock by 05:00 p.m. as a manager? Cool. So you can spend time with your family, because that's a goal that you have. That's a part of your performance metrics. Cool. Let's talk about it. And then you see it's just an immediate impact on the direct report. But also, just as a manager, you're helping this person, like, with their legacy work. Right? So it goes beyond the workplace. Right. You understand the person's heart a little bit more, which increases that trust, and it just increases, just, like, overall, just, like, morale at work. And I don't understand. I never understood why people don't understand. Like, it can't just be about work. It has to be about the whole person. It has to be about integration. In order to do that, you got to just really dive into, like, the heart of an individual. Understand them, their wants, their desires, their fears. Because it's not therapy. It's just like, I'm just connecting with people. I want to be connected with people who I, uh, want to help people see beyond, you know, what it is that they're doing within their jobs. I want to help them, you know, grow into that manager or that senior IC or whatever it might be, whatever the mission is. I want to help them even transition out the job. Right. Because at the end of the day, I know I can't be here forever, but I'll be. It'll be instrument. It'll be. It'll help them grow, which means it's helping negro. So, yeah, that was a long rant, but that's my two cent on that. Maybe a little bit more than two cent.

Laurel Elders:
Well, I think another, um. Another reason why, um, being heart centered might have gotten bad rap is because there's. I've seen so much confusion around the language of the heart, being confused with our emotional state. Like, oh, my love hurts. Well, technically, if you look at it, it's not love that hurts. It's the absence of love that hurts. And so that I think that confusion, if we parse it apart and just look at what is the heart trying to tell me different from my emotional state? Um, somewhere along the lines, it got connected, where, um. Yes, it can be connected. But sometimes the body has an emotional reaction to a thought.

Bryant Alexander:
Yep.

Laurel Elders:
That's not the heart. Right. So, really, I think in overall, we have a long way to go with self discovery.

Bryant Alexander:
Agreed. Self discovery, self compassion, self awareness, all the things. Um, it's funny because I was. I was, uh, meditating on this weekend, and something that, as I've learned that I had to exercise a lot more self compassion for myself because I can't be very hard on myself when it comes to work performance. Um, and one of. Part of the meditation is that I just kind of put my hand over my heart and I just extend self compassion to this area of my body. And, um. You feel so much better afterwards. And I don't know when the science. Maybe I need to do the science on this, but I don't know when the science is going to. I'm sure it's some out there, but just doing simple things like that and just putting your hand over your heart, filling your heartbeat, that's a way that you can better understand what's going on within your heart and really trust in intuition or just. Just sitting with it, honestly, just being present with your heartbeat. Um, and, uh, yeah, it's very deep. And like I said, I think it's just like we have a lot of wisdom within our bodies that we refuse to use because we're always reacting or we always have an emotion, and that's just. And then we become our emotions when we just experience emotions. It's not something that's just because I'm mad for a minute. You won't be mad in two minutes. All right. Like, it comes and it goes, right? So, yes, that heart, um, and what you've taught me today, along with, uh, the newsletter, is just like. I understand that. Yes. No, now is it can be an emotion, too, just about the way that I interpret it. Um, because I can be hard on myself when it comes to if I say no too much, but in reality, it's like, uh, that's just what I'm feeling. That's what's coming up for me. Um, so, yeah, thank you for that.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, yeah. So fascinating. And I think it's, um. I think it's just. It's pretty neat to see, um, leaders that get coached more into that self discovery process. They can really clearly see the difference between a truth and an illusion within themselves. Um, I know we've talked about that before. That, um, that's one aspect of integration, is learning what is an illusion, what needs to be shed ironically. Right. You think of integration as like, everything comes together. Well, it does, but for the human, there's also a shedding process with that. Everything true coming together, everything false being released.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I could talk for a while about that. You know, those self sabotaging behaviors. Um, yeah, it's. It's like, um, integration, especially for a leader. I think that you just get in the routine of these behaviors or habits that may have been helpful into getting you to where you're at. Whether those habits could be like, you know, you're not as quick to trust people, or those habits could be, um, I'm working until the job gets done. I'm working 10 hours, twelve hour days. Um, it could be, you know, like, I have to show up in a meeting in a certain way. Like, I have to be aggressive, or I have to, you know, make sure that I say something. Because if I don't, you know, then nobody's going to hear me and nobody's going to think, going to look to me for guidance, uh, or advice or just question my leadership skills. I've been there. Um, but yes, bringing it back to integration, I think what I've seen with leaders that I've worked with, but also within myself, is that you realize, like, while those behaviors may have been helpful for a certain amount of time and you might have gotten some success from some of them, are just defense mechanisms at this point. It's just that, ah, and like you said, integration is about, like, how do I shed those behaviors so I can just show up how I want to show up in these spaces. And I don't know if that's authenticity, but I guess, like, just as a whole person, like, with, um, because I worked hard to get here. Right. And if I continue to just do the things that I was doing in the past, I'll just work myself into a hole. Um, so, yes, integration is also about, like you said, shedding those behaviors that weren't useful, that aren't useful anymore. Because at the end of the day, you're growing, you're changing, and if you continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result, was that insanity? Right? So, um, yeah, integration is deep, but I guess that the shedding part is so hard, I'm still. Listen, I'm still going through it. So the shedding part is hard. Um, I never try to sit here and say that I am a fully integrated individual. No, I still have things that I'm working through.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, I so appreciate that.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah.

Laurel Elders:
And I also appreciate what you just said about the. I should be sign of leadership. We, you know, we can do that in any area of our lives, but I should be, um. That's something that I really struggled with because, as you know, everyone on our team knows, I'm very introverted. And as I stepped more and more into leadership, I really saw that the women who were successful in a more male dominated, um, leadership society had to act, like, more masculine, like, really strong masculine, and show up that way. And I. I reached a point, and especially after coaching, helped me realize I'm going to be who I am, successful or not, because of who I am. I, you know, it is what it is, and let's just see what happens if I show up and I really, um, can own the truth of who I know myself to be, who I've discovered I am, and I will share. I did have one coach that said, oh, that's a label. Um, they were playing more of a mentor at the time, but they said, oh, no, you need to get rid of that. That's more of a label you're putting on yourself. And that, you know, I took that introspectively and I was like, no, no, this is like, I. Like, I am introverted. That is me at the end of the day, and I'm going to self accept.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, yeah. Um, I am, too. I just know when to turn it on, that's all. So I get it. But, um, yes, to your point about, um, the should statements, and I think we talked about it before. Um, yeah, like, at, ah, some point you have. At some point we all have to reach a point like, this is just who I am, and, you know, who's ever attracted to that? Great. If not, that's fine, too.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think there can be a lot of, um, identity crisis that. Or crises we go through as leaders. Right. Who am I in this role now? Is that different from how I am at home? And why and where is that line between authenticity and privacy and transparency and my own. Right. Like, uh, leaders have a lot to navigate.

Bryant Alexander:
So, yeah, most of the. Most of the things I share on here, if I haven't talked about it in therapy, it doesn't get shared. That's. That's privacy for me. That is. That is the bar right there.

Laurel Elders:
Nice. All right. Anything else before we wrap up? We're almost at time.

Bryant Alexander:
Uh. Uh, I just want to say, um. Um. Yeah. Thank you again for the clarity on understanding how. Yes. And know m is not just a response or a reaction. It is an emotion that can be considered an emotion, and it is held within the heart if you actually listen to it. So thank you for that.

Laurel Elders:
Yes, absolutely. All right, so, before we hop off, I am just curious if you are a leader in HR, L and D, or management who feels stuck in the day to day grind of your company, or if you're feeling unsure if it's possible to balance your career and cultivate personal happiness. That's something that a lot of leaders struggle with. And perhaps you've tried leadership training that provides some temporary relief, but, uh, you also sometimes just feel left exhausted and really struggling to keep up. We understand those challenges, and we're here to offer some pretty transform, transformative solutions. So I invite you to really look at, um, and imagine what could it be like if you were to adopt a new approach that empowers you to coach your teams, to be more self sufficient, enabling you to focus on what truly matters. And we really want to help those leaders that are feeling stuck in those ways, to rediscover the big picture vision that initially inspired them to lead. We want to, um, help guide you through that process, to lead a more effective and fulfilling leadership journey and help turn your aspirations into a reality. So if you would like to become a more coach like, heart centered leader, we would love to be of service to you. And as I mentioned, we have the pay it forward campaign coming up. Bryant, I'll let you. Yes, about that.

Bryant Alexander:
Yes. So the pay it forward campaign. So this is an opportunity for anybody who is interested in coaching, um, wants to become a coach like leader. Uh, as Laurel just said, this, uh, is an opportunity for you to go through our first module of the coach training, coaching fundamentals in August. So if you want to learn more about that, reach out to me. Now, here's the thing. There is scholarship available. So we have a few spots available. All right? So the quicker you reach out, the quicker you reserve your spot. This is a full scholarship. Okay? So you'll be able to actually participate in that first module for free, but you have to do it as soon as possible to hold down your spot. Okay. And we just want to offer this first module, mainly because what's going to happen is that you're going to be able to learn the nuances as far as, like, what coaching is, what it isn't. Um, you'll be able to have a few tools that you can actually go implement with your teams, um, as soon as possible. And, of course, if you want to continue on in the coach training program, you have that option, too. Okay? So this is just a great opportunity for you to just get more knowledge on what coaching is or the fundamentals of coaching. Coaching fundamentals. And again, this is a campaign just to, you know, spread the word about coaching. Give people an opportunity to be exposed to coaching. So if you are interested and open to, um, participate in this opportunity, remember, we have scholarship available. All right? So please reach out as soon as possible. August is coming soon. Okay? So we want to make sure that we get everybody signed up that's interested. But this is a great opportunity, whether you want to become a full time coach, a part time coach, a more coach like leader. There is something here in this session for you. Six hour day. Okay? So clear your calendar. Clear day. But. And Laurel will be, uh, doing a thing, so please reach out to me, or Laurel. And I'm happy to have a conversation with you. You can reach out to me here on LinkedIn. Um, but you can also reach me at. What is admissions. Admissions at integrativeintelligence global, correct?

Laurel Elders:
That is correct. And we also love it when you send your teams through the program, because you get to learn together and take this work into what you're doing. Super powerful. Bring your team. We would love to be of service to you. All right, so that is a wrap for today. Thank you so much for being with us, and I hope that you got a gem for whatever your heart was needing today. And we hope to see you next Tuesday. Bye for now.

Bryant Alexander:
See ya.