How do I get out of the telling/directing and micro-managing habit and foster a coaching habit?8/14/2025
Telling, directing, and micromanaging have one thing in common. We step into these approaches anytime we care so deeply for the outcome and someone else’s success that we unconsciously end up over-caring.
We have good intentions. We want to ensure quality, prevent mistakes, and help people succeed. However, over time, excessive involvement in oversight can hinder success. Furthermore, being constantly on-call is draining. Do others rely on your advice for every step, constantly asking for feedback before moving forward? Or, on the inverse, they try to do it all and don’t ask for any feedback, so you feel strongly you need to step in before it all falls apart? The irony is that even when you give exact instructions for success, it isn’t always followed. Ever had this thought, “I gave them exact directions to follow. Why on earth are we here again?” Eventually, frustration builds, patience wears thin, and you step in to do it yourself. Or, you end up working really long hours and believe this is just the way it is. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. These are very common experiences. Fortunately, success is math! There are formulas you can apply to begin experiencing actual lunch breaks and more freedom and flexibility. Here are five steps to take, which include some of the key formulas designed to grant you more freedom and more successful moments. Step One: Locate Leadership Leaks The first step to breaking the telling, advising or micro-managing habit is to locate your power-leak moments. Every time you answer a question that the other person could have solved, or step in to redo work they could fix, or make a decision they should own, you’re unintentionally training dependency. Awareness is key. Once you can see where the leaks are happening, you can start replacing directing with coaching them to their own answers. This is called: “Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves”. This is empowering to them. Yet, it can feel very uncomfortable for you at first. Discomfort is perfectly normal and expected. After all, you are the one who is responsible for the results. To move beyond the discomfort, let’s explore the other steps. Step Two: Engage Empowerment Coaching Honing your coaching skills is the fastest way to gain more freedom from being overly depended upon (dependence is a key symptom of a directing habit). Instead of answering the question, “What should I do?” with directions, try, “What do you think your next step should be?” or “If I weren’t here, how would you handle this?” With a coaching approach, you are directly inviting the answers to come from within the person you are coaching. Coaching offers a massive leverage point in how you can lead others! At first, you may get a fearful stare or a vague answer. That’s normal. Most people are not accustomed to being coached. It is also normal to want to give in. These moments offer a turning point. With coaching formulas in your toolkit, instead of directing, you become a facilitator for successful outcomes. Over time, these questions force people to think for themselves, which is the muscle you want them to build. This isn’t about withholding help. Coaching is about helping them grow into problem-solvers rather than answer-seekers. Coaching is your freedom point and theirs! Step Three: Express Your Encouragement Third, express your confidence in them. Many people begin to believe in themselves when someone else believes in them first. Sharing your confidence and encouragement can go a long way in inviting them to take ownership. For example: “I trust you have the answers.” “I believe you have what it takes to create success with this project.” Then coach them to their own solutions. Sharing confidence is a critical step in the formula for effectively coaching others. Coaching shifts the focus from you having all the answers to them creating new solutions. First, they need to know you believe in them. Step Four: Invite Solutions There are two parts to this step. First, it can help to establish feedback rhythms instead of constant check-ins. If your team is used to popping in for input at every step, set boundaries by creating predictable touchpoints. For example, agree on a mid-project review or a weekly progress update. This keeps the communication flowing but prevents your time from being consumed by endless interruptions. It also helps you avoid the frustration that builds when you feel pulled in a dozen directions at once. Second, it is imperative to invite them to foster their own solutions. A simple “Three P Report” is an excellent formula to accomplish this. A Three P Report includes short bullet points of:
This process is coaching at heart! It invites problem-solving and solution thinking before it lands on your plate. Step Five: Celebrate Wins Finally, celebrate progress and independence. Coaching others to empowerment is not just about stepping back; it’s also about noticing and celebrating wins to reinforce the new autonomy. When someone takes initiative, makes a solid decision, or solves a problem without you, it is key to acknowledge it. Positive acknowledgment acts like an accelerant that turns small wins into lasting change. By taking a coaching approach, your role shifts from “chief problem-solver” to “chief potential-developer,” and that’s where the magic happens! In Conclusion: Having coaching formulas and implementing these steps helps those around you grow stronger, helps your stress drop, and those you are responsible for start gaining productivity and momentum in fun new ways. Happy engaging, coaching, and inviting elevated results!
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