E-Quip: Drawing the Line Between Therapy & Coaching

Laurel Elders:
Welcome, everyone, to equips. These are weekly coaching tips that equip coaches, future coaches, and coach like leaders to develop their excellence in coaching. I'm Laurel Elders, the founder of the Institute for Integrative Intelligence. I'm a master certified coach with the International Coaching Federation, and I got my start as a professional coach in 2005 when I became an official coaching geek. And I have with me today bryant alexander. Brian is a coach and works with us in admission. He loves helping people align with the coach training options that are best suited for them and their.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah. Thank you for that introduction, as always, Laurel. And, I guess just to get it started a little bit differently, I know we had a lot of RSVPs, so where are people logging from? If you want to just drop it in the chat, please let us know. Where are you logging from and what made you decide to join today? So take a few seconds to do that. But as Laurel said, that I work with the institute for integrative intelligence and admissions, so really helping people on that coaching journey. And over the last know, last three months, really, since I've been here, we've been able to really connect on things. And one of the biggest things that I think has brought a lot of value is, ah, these lives. I just like getting on here, and like you said, geeking out about coaching. Right. And just the transformational process it can be for somebody, so grateful to be here, and I'm a coach myself, and, when did I start geeking out? I started geeking out about coaching around 20. What was it when I actually knew what I was doing? Probably, like around 2017. That is when I started to really geek out about it. So glad to be here.

Laurel Elders:
Yes. And we also have with us Jill Arnoff. Jill is a leadership coach. She's here to answer questions in the chat and post links as we go. We're going to be covering different resources, so she's here to be, uh, support in that way. And if you're new to joining us, we do these equips every Tuesday, 12:00 p. m.. Eastern. And if you'd like to receive those in your inbox, Joe will post a link to the newsletter below. That way you get, direct connection to every episode. And today's topic. Here we go. Drawing the line between coaching and therapy. And this is actually a part one of a part two series. So today we're going to really just explore some things to consider around where the line is, why the line is there, but also dispel some myths and overlaps. So I know, Bryant we were talking before how a friend of yours, I believe, had know. I just don't understand the distinctions. And I can say that I really relate with that because when I first took a coaching class, I actually thought I was learning counseling skills. I signed up with that intention.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, it's funny you say that, because when I actually started coaching, I used to emphasize, like, I am not a therapist, so I cannot help you with that. I tried to make sure that line was drawn so fast, because I was worried that all right, what if this person starts getting into the past and all these other things? And I was like, I don't know if I should be talking about that. I don't know if we should really dive into it. So I was actually very early on, I was very transparent. I am not a therapist. I don't want to try to label your depression, your childhood, anything like that. But as time has gone on, I understand, like, all right, there is a line here. Mhm.

Laurel Elders:
Yes, there's definitely a line. And, just to draw attention to the fact that therapists are trained and licensed to diagnose and treat, coaches are not. We do not diagnose, we don't even assess. We offer client self assessments, but we're not assessing our client and advising them. So that's a key distinction right there. But I do know there's another reason for confusion, is because there's some skill overlap and there's four primary skills that overlap. So empathy, reflective listening, exploring emotional content, and asking powerful questions. Both approaches use both. But there's a very different foundation for why a therapist is hired to help a client go in a certain direction and explore things from the past, get healing from things that may have happened, and get guidance in life. Whereas a coach is sitting in honor of the client's truth, views the client as the expert, and does not have a bias, or if they do, we're trained to put our bias aside. Right. To be in complete honor of the client, directing the process.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah. And, it goes back to my motto, coaching is therapeutic, but it is not therapy. Okay. And the funny thing is that it actually helps when you have a therapist. But I want to really emphasize your point around when we honor the client, what that means is that the client comes with, like, this is the intention that I have out of this engagement, or, this is what I'm looking for. This is what I want to grow in therapy is like, they're going to force you. Like, hey, we got to talk about the past. Because you have all these behaviors, you have all these tendencies. Let's try to label them. Let's try to help you understand them. Let's try to help you start to maybe unlearn them. Um, sometimes. But I like that differentiation because coaching is very, just when you're in honor of the client, it's very future focused. Right? No agenda, no biases. It's like, what is the thing that you want? Or how do you want to m move forward? How do you want to create the vision, the life that you want for yourself? And I think that's where that line is kind of drawn. Like therapy can, in my opinion, my philosophy, therapy can only get you so far. Then it's like, okay, I understand my triggers. I understand I've healed from my trauma a little bit from my traumas because we're always healing. But now it's like, what is the future I want for myself? How am I going to really unlearn the things that I thought were true about myself and move forward?

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. In my first training, they made the distinction of an architect and an archaeologist. So an archaeologist is like therapy. It helps us dig through the past to make sense of what's going on. And in coaching, it's more like architecture. We're helping the client build their vision in their life.

Bryant Alexander:
Mhm.

Laurel Elders:
I thought that was pretty neat.

Bryant Alexander:
I like that.

Laurel Elders:
Another really powerful metaphor that I found in understanding the distinctions is actually, I've made some slides just to give this. Some life is the metaphor of a garden in our life. So, for example, if we've experienced something traumatic or if we're just going through a midlife crisis, whatever that is, it's almost like the weeds are overgrown or, hey, you might have a tractor in your land, right? There might be something getting in the way. So in order to have a garden, you've got to clear the path. So we start to clear out the weeds, and we do some healing work on things that have happened in the past, and it clears the ground. So now we have a clearing. Now we can decide what do we want to plant. What do I want to show up in my life? How do I want to be in my life? What do I want to grow? What fruits do I want? And so we start to begin with the end in mind, and then if we nourish the garden, we grow. So it's really healing, and growth leads to full integration, and each serves its own purpose. So I had a colleague, Anna Malikin. She put this so brilliantly. So she started out as a therapist and transitioned into coaching. And she said, as a therapist, I would help people get from negative ten. Like, the problem was just too big. And she helped guide them into more of a neutral space so that they could live their life and not have the problem overwhelm them. But as a coach, I helped them go from that neutral to plus ten in their life. And I thought, that is so brilliant. I know we've talked about that before.

Bryant Alexander:
And I guess, to add to that- you're actually about to hit it right on the head- like, just understanding the roots. And, in my opinion, coaching is work on yourself, like, really challenging yourself to create the future you want for yourself. It moves you from a sense of, like, I am a result of, or I'm a product of all of this that I've been through to, oh, I have the ability to create that garden that I want in my life, whether it be personally, professionally. Of course. At the institute, we're about integration, so one is connected to the other all the time, but really making sure that you are, I guess, really just making sure that you live a balanced and balanced life, but also understanding how much choice you have in the garden that you choose to plant.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah. And to be able to step into life from your wholeness. Right. That includes all of us. That includes the wounds and all of it. It includes all of it. And, like, this image. I picked this image because it really shows how when we deal with what's at the roots of our life, it helps us grow in new ways. And that is why sometimes coaching is ineffective. If somebody has something that's bigger than them, the coaching may not even work. And so that's the power of education. And an educated coach will know exactly when, where, and why and how to refer out. And sometimes some people step into coaching while they're seeing a therapist because they're working on growth and they're working on the inner work with their therapist. And that's a powerful combination. It can be.

Bryant Alexander:
Mhm. And, Laurel, I have a question for you. So how do you know, how does one know when they're ready for you. How would you gauge that? I know it's different for everybody, but overall, how would you know? What would be the signs to say, like, oh, I'm ready. I think it's time for me to get into coaching.

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, I would say, one thing that I've observed, and this is just me, I think other coaches might have some different experiences, but one thing I've observed is that the client is completely open to self reflection work and really being self honest and transparent with themselves. So if there's that openness and willingness to take a look at like, oh, that reaction I just had, that was actually based on something that happened three months ago, just get really honest, then they can what we call hold the coaching and the coaching can work. And I want to pull that back into what you said about coaching can be therapeutic. The coach does zero therapy, but for some reason, when a client steps into self development, self discovery into that coaching process, it can have a therapeutic impact on them because they're doing their own work for once. So it is fascinating.

Bryant Alexander:
Yeah, I'm just playing devil's advocate, but what if somebody says, but that's what I go to therapy for, to have self discovery, have an understanding of myself. So what would you say to those people? That's what my therapist is for, right?

Laurel Elders:
Yeah, I say, great. As long as you're getting your needs met, that's what matters. Coaches are really trained just on that second journey that we talked about, the self discovery journey. So that's all we do. We are focused in on growth, self actualization and integration. So that's our wheelhouse. So that's all we do. Some therapists do both. They will notice when a client has shifted into the space to be able to do the growth work and they shift the modality to coaching and it goes really well together. Other therapists would refer out to a coach after the client has completed, the work that they came for.

Bryant Alexander:
Mhm. And I guess I want to emphasize that something you said, like self reflection, self actualization, and also just the second journey. How you kind of put that into words. Because, I think the mindset, since we talk a lot more about mental health, therapy a lot more openly today, we think that, or what I've observed is that people say I'm healed, or like I'm healing, or I have this trauma. I think that that is a lifelong thing that we don't always pick up on and you're never really healed and you always carry around that trauma. Just a bit. Just a bit. You may be able to manage it more, but I think that's where coaching really comes in at. Right. Because I think that what I found when I was in therapy was that, all right, I understand all these things about myself, and I'm very aware of them, but I still have my reactions, I still have my judgment. I still carry around this desire. Uh, right. Or I still have an aversion to still being vulnerable because I'm aware of it. I know when it's happening, but I'm still doing the same thing. So is it to say that therapy didn't do its job? It's like, I wouldn't say so. I think that I have a label for it, and I know when it's happening, and maybe I could react differently in those situations, but I think that's where coaching kind of helped me out at. In that. Okay, let's kind of dive into how does that feel? Right. I think the thing about therapy was, like, it didn't teach me a lot about, and some therapists do this, but it didn't teach me about that kind of embodiment of, that embodiment of an emotion or that embodiment of trauma or that embodiment of healing. It didn't really teach me about it. And it talked from the perspective that, and this is, again, no shade to a therapist. Like, things were happening to me. And I think that with coaching, it's like, no, you experience things, right? You experience emotions. You aren't your emotions. You experience trauma. You aren't your trauma. You experience healing, you aren't your healing.

​So now it's like, okay, how are you going to react differently? Or what is the thing that you want to work on in regards to being more in tune with your body, being more in tune with the way you process problems or situation or perceive challenge or negative thoughts, negative emotions, because I would still have a lot of negative thought patterns even coming out of therapy. But coaching, I said my intention the first time I did coaching. My intention limit negative thought patterns. That is something I want to do. So we actively did work as far as what is somatics, how does that feel? Or what are these situations? How are they showing up today, and how do you want to do them differently? So I think that's where coaching, really, for me, that's where it kind of draws the line because it was a little bit more holistic. And like you said, what we do at the institute, it's more integrated. It's not just about getting you a job. It's like, what's the bigger picture here? Right? What are we trying to really get to? What's the bigger goal? Because you're going to get the job. We know that you've done it several times throughout your career. You're going to get it. But now it's like, what is the bigger picture here? And how is this in service of you versus you being in service of it? So I think that's where coaching really accelerates growth, if anything.

Laurel Elders:
Yes, absolutely. It really helps us to start, to begin to live our life through our wholeness.

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